Eternal Glorious Fountain Ministries (EGFM)
Programme: Sister's Meeting 2022
Date: Saturday, 14th May 2022
Speaker 1: Pastor (Mrs) Bola Daniel
God has instituted that everytime we come into His presence, there is a change that should occur in our souls.
“The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; [4] That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, [5] To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” (Titus 2:3-5). The word of the Lord says that there is a responsibility laid on older women to teach the younger women and one of the things they are to teach them is how to love their husbands; this is what I would be teaching today.
One would have assumed that it is natural for wives to love their own husbands or children but it is not so. For God to give an instruction to teach the younger women, then it means there are many things we do not know. The word "love" has been given so many definitions; there are so many perspectives to it but there is what God sees as love. Love, as defined by the dictionary, is a profoundly tender and passionate affection for another person. It is a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection which is what many people know. Sometimes also, as seen in the world, love is perceived as sexual passion or desire. It is part of it but it is not all God is talking about when He says love.
So God is saying we need to be taught and this calls for an in depth search and understanding so that we would not assume we know what God is talking about. As human beings, we were created to relate with one another. God expects us to relate and He has instructions for us in the Bible for the running of all types of relationships. God has instructions for every type of relationship, hence the reason we cannot make our choices outside of God's word. We must find out from God who we are to partner with in any kind of relationship.
"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.."(2 Cor. 6:14). God does not want us to be unequally yoked, not only in marriage but also in other forms of relationships. There are many things God does not want us to do together with those who do not fear Him because they are not pursuing the same goal as ours. Their ways would always be apart from ours and God would want us to make choices according to His standards which cannot be made out of our own intelligence or understanding. Our manual for instruction is the word of God. This word has been tried; it is true, quick and powerful (Heb. 4:12). It is a good word. So, we must desire and know the word of God to find out what God is saying. We are to spend our lives knowing it and obeying it (Ecc. 12:13).
In God's word, the underlying factor that is powerful enough for maintaining a relationship is love and this is the basis of God's commandments. The commandments are summarised into two. "This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. These things I command you, that ye love one another." (John 15:12-17) Jesus emphasised this manner of love– love as He has loved us in the scriptures, because this is what He wants us to do in loving our husbands.
Someone once said that the ten commandments are divided into two: the first four has to do with our relationship with God while the remaining six has to do with our relationship with men. So without love, there would be a breakdown in any relationship. Apart from God, every other person is our neighbour; so we need to receive instruction from God to know how to respond in love to other people.
All of the scriptures we have read are to show us the components of love that God is expecting from us and how it should manifest in our relationship with our husbands, which is the primary context of this meeting. We are not just to pick definitions of our own love around or do what people say but what God says, because He who is speaking to us is our God and He is worthy to speak to our lives and command obedience from us. He is the One saying to us that we should love our husbands and we need to understand what He has in mind when He said so.
“Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him" (1 John 4:10,16). God showed us His love to deliver us from sin by sending us His Son as a sacrifice to die, to take the punishment for our sins. So when we understand what God has done for love, then we would understand that what is being commanded of us as wives, including those who have judged their spouse as uunloving, is not from a place of wickedness. God is not seeking to reap what He has not sown. What He is seeking from us has been done by Him also.
Love is not just to be spoken, it should be a practice in sincerity. From the scripture above, we can see that it is possible to declare love in words but it must be true love that shows itself in actions. It must be demonstrated in action. It must not just be a lip service, love must be of character (in deed) and in truth.
“Now before the feast of the passover, when Jesus knew that his hour was come that he should depart out of this world unto the Father, having loved his own which were in the world, he loved them unto the end.” (John 13:1) This is the standard by Jesus of how to love. Love is not just to be proclaimed by word of mouth. God is asking for a kind of love that we need to showcase irrespective of the other person's response–a love that is not conditional. Some people say that love is reciprocal but we did not show God love before He showed us His mercy. We must also come to this point where we shower so much love on our husbands like Jesus did; a point where our husbands are grateful that they have found favour with God by having us.
If we are going to follow Jesus' steps, then we would not demand gratitude for every good thing we do in the house. As we perform our roles and responsibilities in the home, we must not always recount it; like Jesus, we must submit and do it without expecting appreciation from our spouse. There was never a time Jesus sat down and asked the Father for appreciation for being a sacrifice. Jesus loved Thomas his disciple despite his doubtful nature. There was a way Jesus responded to every one of His disciples. The way He responded to Thomas was different from the way He responded to Philip (Jn. 14:5-9). So it is not good to compare ourselves with one another (2 Cor. 10:12). In Jesus' response to Thomas and Philip as one who is full of love, it is clear that God deals with every man at their various levels, hence the reason a woman cannot compare her own husband with another.
Fulfilling God's purpose (like submission in marriage) is not something we do with the energy of the flesh because it is not easy; we need the help of the Holy Spirit. We must be persuaded and accept the sovereignty of God to be able to instruct us. We must be willing to obey God. Some people are obedient but are not willing. God sees such a heart and He said that if a man is willing and obedient, he will eat the good of the land (Isa. 1:19
It is good to know that we can heal the sick, raise the dead or do all other spiritual activities but if we do not have love, we have done nothing (1 Cor. 13:1-3). Spiritual activities do not guarantee our entrance into the kingdom (Luke 13:25-27). We must follow God patiently and know His ways because there are many things that God can use a man to do but if God does not accept his person, his offering/services will be of no use to God. We must desire not to be used by God and then be a cast away (1 Cor. 9:27). We must fight for our lives to be acceptable, approved and pleasing to God (Mark 1:11) and not just bank on what we are doing for God. Someone can do many things for God but if it is not out of love, he has done nothing (1 Cor. 13:1-3).
“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,” (1 Corinthians 13:4) The first definition of love in 1 Cor 13:4, was introduced as suffering. One would think that when one gets in love, then all sufferings would be taken away. But love endures suffering and the length of suffering to be endured is not defined. It differs from person to person, issue to issue; yet it is still the same love.
Love is never tired of waiting, it is kind but some women claim that they have been patient enough in their marriages and can no longer continue to be patient. Love in the message translation of 1 Cor. 13:4 says "Love never gives up, it cares for others more than self Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head…". The TPT version says "Love is large and incredibly patient. Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else. Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance".
“Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;” (1 Cor. 13:5) Love is not rude. We must not allow our spouses to tell us that we are rude; we must rather submit to God to deal with rudeness in us. We must not be ill-mannered. Love cannot be made angry easily and does not keep account of wrongs. We must not have the attitude of keeping records or diaries of wrongs. We must be intentional about forgiving. Love does not force its own opinion on others; it does not dishonor others.
“Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;” (1 Corinthians 13:6) Love is never happy in another person’s wrong. Sometimes, wives are secretly happy when they see their husbands doing wrong, especially if it is on a matter they have warned them about previously. When Jesus sees a life that is dying out, He looks for a way to recover it (Isaiah 42:3). This is the manner of love we have enjoyed from our Lord Jesus, we should also allow it to flow through us to others.
“…beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.” (1 Cor. 13:7) Love puts up with everything. It bears all things. It never stops being patient. When you love your husband and he still exhibits some vices, you should keep believing that the best can come out of him. Love never fails; it endures every circumstance.
Blessed are the ears of the unmarried hearing the things that are being spoken at this time. They are being thoroughly furnished and equipped so that they do not make the same mistakes that those that have gone ahead of them have made. Also, blessed are the ears of the married, as God does not want them to stay in their mistakes. He is willing to change everything within you, and turn you to a minister of life.
Life is in seasons and in phases. An old person is one who has passed through different phases of life. Such a person has experiences that they can share which can help younger people not to fall in the same ditch they fell in the past. Some of us dodge experiences, encounters and dealings that would have made us become good witnesses. God wants us to pass through some experiences; He wants to use them for the purpose of ministry. God is looking for a life that ministers life to people, even without being a preacher. This is not achieved by miracles or healing.
The woman was made for the man (1 Cor. 11:9). Wives are made for their husbands, if not, there would have been no need for a wife. Whenever we get tired or lose faith, we should always seek help from the Holy Spirit in such circumstances. God gave us an assignment and He will give the reward for a job well done, not our colleagues or people around. Nobody is worth going to hell for. This is why we need to understand what God is expecting from us.
What God wants us to do is to help our husbands. This can be broken down into three-folds; He wants us to help them, He wants us to be submissive to them, and He wants us to revere them. We can only do these under God. You can only help your husband from a standpoint of loving him. This help is not the general sense of help, as in running the affairs of the home. God wants to make us mighty; this means there are mighty works that need to be done and there is a need for mighty women. The works are works that can be done only by those who have strength within.
Many times, we have been frustrated by our own expectations. Our expectations should be from God so that we would not be frustrated or disappointed (Psalm 62:5). Everything we hope for should come from Him alone. God wants us to hand all our expectations over to him as a worship offering. When we sow in tears, we will reap in joy; nothing is too much to hand over to God as a worship offering. When we do this, we will get relieved of the weights upon our hearts. A lot of our frustrations are as a result of our expectations, but our expectations should be from the Lord. We should learn to not complain. When our husbands make efforts to do some things, no matter how little the progress is, we should love and affirm them. By doing so, we are encouraging them to enter into life.
We also need to learn how to forgive. If we do not forgive, we will not be able to move on and we will not be able to love in the right capacity. If we do not forgive, unforgiveness also hangs over us (Luke 11:4). We should always pray that God will teach us how to be proper wives to our husbands. God will also teach us how to be wives to the husbands he has given us, provided He was the one that gave the husband.
The issue of submission can never be overemphasized. There are times when the wife will have a different opinion from the husband. Submission requires that the wife gives way to the will of her husband, even in the presence of strong internal objection. Submission requires a high degree of humility and patience. It may take some time to arrive at the point of giving way to his will. Submission is done to the husband as it should be done to the Lord.
There should be submission in the place of sex. The Church is the place to say the truth about it – it is the ground and pillar of truth. Many women have pushed their husbands out of their matrimonial homes as a result of sex. The world has a wrong image and definition of sexual fulfilment. God has the original pattern; the world’s pattern is a counterfeit. Follow God’s pattern. Our husbands are men and have the ability to get aroused, and women can push men into sin when they defraud men of sexual satisfaction. Sex in marriage is not carnal, it is very spiritual. Some husbands cannot make an accurate decision without their sexual needs being satisfied.
God also expects us to revere our husbands. Orderliness under God is a serious issue. A person who breaks rank cannot command authority. A person that stays in their rank is safe and is backed up by authority. We need to understand what God has set in place; when we disobey it, we tell God that he has not done well. Reverence talks about respect and honor. We need to know what our husbands consider as respect and honor because it differs for people. Doing contrary to honor is dishonor.
“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). Honor is recognising or noticing your husband’s presence. The husband should cover the wife in prayers. Many times, we struggle for things that we should ordinarily not struggle for. It is often because we are not well covered or we are not obeying as we ought. Parenting will be difficult when the wife does not obey her husband. We should submit to our husbands with all the fruit of the Spirit. It is not impossible to fall. When one falls, the other person should lift up.
We need to be taught, we need to do and we need to teach other people. People are not well taught; teachers are few. We need teachers who do, teachers who have experiences. Our prayer should be that our husbands should be who God wants them to be, and we should long to love them how God wants us to love them. This is our primary assignment because it is in the fulfillment of the husband's purpose that the wife can find fulfillment of purpose.
For those that are yet to be married, you should not think that this syllabus is overwhelming. With God on your side, you can take mountains. You need to learn as much as possible as you are growing now. You should read the Bible, meditate on it and pray it into your lives. Let God prepare you adequately.