SiSister's Forum (15th May, 2021)
QQuestion and Answer Session
1 Question: What can a woman do in the case of a back-slidden husband that wants the wife following him to unruly and unholy places?
Answer: These questions are coming out of issues we do not know their foundation. A roof does not just cave in overnight, it must have started and must have been unattended too; eventually, it caves in. The question the Holy Spirit would have asked is how the husband became a backslider under the wife’s watch. A point in case is of a man of God who fell into adultery some time ago and I became so passionate about it, considering the wife and how she has given herself to the ministry. One night, I slept with a very heavy heart thinking, 'What if the same had happened to me?' That night the Holy Spirit made me understand that two are better than one; (Ecc. 4:9) and that if one person falls, the other should lift him up (Ecc. 4:10). The question the Holy Spirit asked me was what the woman was watching over that her husband fell this much. He knows that the man has a weakness, hence, He gave him a help. While on earth the man was being blamed, in heaven they were blaming the woman. It was at that point I decided that I have a mandate to keep my husband; and I will keep him with all God has given me. I do not want to go to hell because of anyone; no one is worth going to hell for. If God handed your husband over to you as a believer, what were you doing as a wife when the sins were coming up?
God shows the man mercy by giving him a wife to help him. In this case of a back-slidden husband, it is not a matter of proving a point. It is a time for the wife to pray, as it is both the wife and the husband that have back-slidden. If the case is temporary, just as it happened to Abraham when he told Sarah to say she is his sister because he did not want to die (Gen. 20:1-16); Sarah still went ahead to do as her husband had said. How much more we that have the Holy Ghost? Sarah trusted God who can deliver. Many times, we do not wait for the salvation of God; we are in a hurry to make our own decision. This wife with a back-slidden husband should pray for his restoration. If your husband insists you should not go to church, spend the time praying instead of nagging. And if you choose to go, serve whatever punishment he metes out on you. We pray God restores the husband and give our sister grace.
2 Question: Does submission entail the wives being slaves to their husbands? Women are expected to contribute financially in their homes and take care of the homes. As Christians, can we not be part of the gender equality movement? If we are to share financial expenses together, then the chores should also be shared.
Answer: Submission is like the case of a student and a teacher; the student does not have any business with whatever the teacher does with the script submitted. Hence, it is necessary to be very careful as a woman in choosing who we submit our lives to (i.e. before marriage). You should not submit your life to one who God cannot talk to or a person that will mismanage your life.
A woman should obey the instructions given to her by God, and not focus on what God is instructing her husband even though it painful to the flesh. The woman should decrease that Christ might increase (John 3:30).
Ephesians 5:22
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord”
A wife’s submission to her husband is service to God. Everything a woman has is given to her by God and it is part of the help package for her husband. Husbands are expected to love the wife as Christ loves the church (Eph. 5:25). Their syllabus is harder and we are expected to pray for them as wives because many men are not taught; and the wife is expected to convert the husband by her conversation (1 Peter 3:1). That is where the honour of the woman lies; not in money or anything external. Before honour is humility, when Rebecca was coming from her father house, she came on a camel; but when she saw her husband, she came down (Gen. 24:64). As women, we are expected to come down from our camels because all things we have are given to us, and we are expected to use it to help our husbands. Whether or not the husband brings in money, he is still the husband. A woman is supposed to be shamefaced.
Submission is not slavery, even our Lord Jesus submitted. There is nothing Jesus is asking us to do that He has not done. It is the configuration of self that is contending with the instructions of submission; but anyone who is able to fully obey will find God’s backing. A woman is expected to be a help to her husband by keeping the home, both physically and spiritually. She is expected to be content with the provisions of the Lord and submit to her husband as unto the Lord (Eph. 5:22) She is expected to respond to her husband the way she would respond to God. Submission are in levels; you cannot learn it all at once.
Gender equality is not in the scriptures; and we should follow the patterns approved by God in the bible, as that is what will be used to judge us. We should not live our lives outside the confine of scriptures. Submission is not slavery; there is no way we can becomes one with our husbands if we consider submission as slavery. Husbands are not slave masters; and if we are in situations where the husbands are slave masters, we are to by our conversation win our husbands (1 Pet. 3:1). A point in case is the story of a brother that told his wife he will be bringing his mistress home. The Lord instructed the wife to receive the mistress well. The sister cried - which is therapeutic. It is okay to cry to God because when we come back, we are strengthened. The woman obeyed, sowing in tears. When the mistress came, the woman waited on them and served them well. By this conversation, she was able to convert both the husband and the mistress, and she was able to keep her home.
Submission is not slavery; it is handing yourself to another person who has handed himself over to God. Submission is not easy but should be done with joy, seeing it as a service unto God. In the area of chores, it is the responsibility of the woman but if the man decides to assist, it should be his decision.
3 Question: What is the assignment of the husband? Is it limited to ministerial calling?
Answer: The assignment is not just for brothers.
Ephesians 2:10
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.”
We are many parts, yet one body (1 Cor. 12:12). This assignment is given in parts, and by coming together, it becomes a wholesome assignment. Two heads cannot run a home; one will take the lead and the other will be led. Neither of them should slack in their responsibility. Full time ministerial assignment is seen as one is not working, and all he/she does is preaching, teaching, and counseling. But we are all minsters: we are expected to live out all that we have learnt in the marketplace and touch people’s lives. If one fails, such a person has failed Jesus. We are expected to come to church, learn and go out there and live the life we have learnt. Everyone is a full-time minister, but the definition of what we do, and the category of people we meet are different. We are expected to minister to the people we meet daily by our conversation (lifestyle). God does not want our lives to be fruitless; but we do not have to preach in many words.
Tongues and Interpretation
“Break barriers even as females; it is a calling for you to come up hither and take steps in the spirit. It is time to walk! As you take steps you will be able to step over wrong spirits. Authority lies in your feet; there is great power in your walk. As you begin to carry your leg and walk, many kingdoms will be torn apart and come down. I want your feet to be shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace. Carry that leg and walk! Let your conversation be from the spirit, live out what you hear and demonstrate what you are being taught. Walk in the spirit, carry your feet and move and even as you take steps, wrong spirits will fall. There would be judgement, a standard will be raised and when the spirits see it, they will fall. I’m bringing fire, I’m bringing great fire. Many will carry fire for when people come in contact with you, they will see fire. Move like ghosted beings; you are not ordinary, for you are carrying fire. The Holy Gost is fire within: let the fire be seen.”
(Message Continues…)
Comfort others with the comfort which you are comforted; and with meekness, show them the way of Jesus. We are expected to bear fruits. Jesus cursed the fig tree when He could not get fruit from it because He was expecting that fig tree to bear fruit at that season. May the resources poured into us not be in vain.
4 Question: In the event where a woman marries a wrong person, is she expected to stay till the end?
Answer: Did God ask you to marry a wrong brother? Such a person has a relationship with God and should go back to Him in mercy as God does not cast away. The woman should by her conversation convert her husband (1 Pet. 3:1). A point in case is the story of a man that told his wife to pray concerning a contract and that if he wins, he will join her in serving God. The woman took the issue to God in prayers; and one day, the man came home to tell his wife that he had gotten a contract, but the man to sign the contract had asked to sleep with her before it can be signed. The woman went to God in prayer and God instructed her to go. On getting there, the Holy Spirit took over the situation. At the end of the day, the boss and the husband got born again and the contract was signed. God is earning himself testimonies proving that the Lord is good. Let us allow God to use our lives for whatever He wants to do. God cannot mismanage our lives!
5 Is it possible in a Christian home for a wife to be more spiritually inclined than her husband? If yes, how can such a woman be a help meet to her husband yet submissive? Does this mean the husband has not attained the head position ordained by God in that home?
A woman of strength inclines to spiritual things. A man definitely can and will attain to the position of his (being the) head if his wife desires it.
Proverbs 31:23
“Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.”
It is a woman’s responsibility to set her husband where she wants him to be. There are vacant seats of anointing and authority in the spirit waiting to be occupied. It is the woman’s labour. God uses weak things to confound the wise. As weak as we are, God believes in us and helps us push our husbands gently until they get to where they should be. If Jezebel was a Christian, she would have helped her husband Ahab to be the wonderful king he should be, instead of the wicked king he was.
God will help us to watch over our husband to bring them to where they are supposed to be; we should not rest until our husbands become the head they are to be under Christ. This strength is infused on the inside of the woman by God through the word of God. Irrespective of what a woman faces in her marriage, she should find strength from within not to get offended. For once offence is allowed, the devil wins; but once it is not allowed, the devil gets beaten at his game.
Philippians 4:13
“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”
It is expedient every female goes back to this message again and internalize it so it can work for them. We should not take to heart things that do not edify or are not consistent with the word. So many females cannot stomach or shun insults or abusive words thrown at them; rather they brood on them until it gets out of hand. Those are not things we are expected to meditate on or keep record of. There are things God has commanded in the scripture that we should rather keep and not forget.
Philippians 4:8
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
When we keep a record of evil, we give the devil space in our lives and homes. Situations we face daily are the testing ground of our growth and what we are mindful of. Do not allow offence fester so that you will not be turned away in the presence of God. Be a woman of strength, though we will not get there overnight, because it takes the Word of God and our response to the Spirit. Women should rise up and help their men come into their allocation in God. Let it be on our accounts that our husbands occupy their headship position and fulfil their purpose under Christ through us.
No woman gets fulfilled outside her husband’s purpose; for it is in his purpose that she has her expressions and fulfils purpose. A wife should not desire to be recognized or be prominent ahead of her husband, or even, like him. She should not seek to preach or be heard. In due time, if she will take up any leadership or ministerial role, it will be approved by her head which is her husband. Wisdom is a necessary tool every wife must possess for peace and longevity in marriage. Do not be in a hurry to be something; there is time for everything. Do not bypass authority; be a woman of strength with wisdom. Let us all learn from our mother Sarah. She did not usurp authority, even when her husband did wrong. Do not be the rod of correction for your husband.
6 What does vital information about oneself mean? Can a past experience of sexual harassment or molestation pass as vital information that cannot be shared with a brother?
It is not wrong to share past information with your spouse.
Genesis 2:25
"And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed."
Open up to him; do not feel he will change after hearing your story. He may be your ‘saviour’. A man is actually supposed to be a hiding place. In the days of tempest and storm, hide there. He may feel somewhat truly about it, but it is good for him to know for two are better than one.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
Sometimes females feel they will be looked down on if they told their secrets. Do not be afraid. What you are hiding, the Holy Spirit can expose to your husband, and vice versa, if he has a vibrant relationship with God - the way He said He couldn’t hide anything from Abraham.
Genesis 18:17
“And the LORD said, “Shall I hide from Abraham what I am doing,”
Please do not hide anything from your spouse for the Holy Spirit will take control.
7 How can a sister handle sexual thoughts and emotions or emotional attachment to a brother and break off from a relationship with him after God has told her he is not her husband? How can a sister remain pure in thoughts and emotions toward someone she is involved with in an emotional relationship?
The first thing to do in handling emotions is to feed oneself with the Word of God. Females feed on junks too much. The word of God has power to put someone in order. Emotion is located in the soul; so, when you feed your soul with the right food, you will be emotionally healthy. When you are fed very well, your spirit puts your emotions in check whenever your emotions want to go haywire. Your spirit is never a party with your soul when it comes to evil. So, if you have fed your spirit well, you would be able to control your emotions through your spirit.
You cannot manage your emotions if you do not feed your soul right. Emotions are unreliable as many lives have been ruined by them. Only those who are led by the Spirit will become sons of God, not those led by emotions.
Leading of the Spirit to handle your emotions will not be effective if you spend time watching soap operas, love or romantic tv series and social media. Naturally, what you feed your soul with will want to find expression. The romantic gestures you see displayed in these movies are what you tend to show easily when an opportunity comes. Limit your exposure to social media, web and other series. Some people live on social media, not having time for their bibles. The devil has so ladened all these avenues with addictive things that the soul will not be able to get away from easily. Limit your exposure; rather feed on the Word. Pray more!
I was once caught in the web of a soap opera that I became so engrossed with it that it affected my prayer time and even my dream. God had to warn and stop me from continuing it. The Lord asked afterwards how I hoped to keep myself pure as a single lady living alone, when the tendency for romance arises, as a result of what I was watching.
Spend time praying. Remain ghosted always. I decided back then in school to start praying one hour every morning before going to class. By the time I was stepping out of my room, I was ghosted; no evil spirit was able to perch on me. Thoughts of sex cannot cross the mind of anyone who does this because she is ghosted. You don’t get ghosted spending time on internet. You do not feel anointed, rather you feel dry when you get up from Facebook, Instagram or YouTube. It is possible to arrest evil around if you hid yourself in God. So, stay on God! Stay ghosted!
8 I was romantically involved with a brother and almost had sex with him even when I knew he was engaged. I felt so bad and spoke to my pastor. He instructed that I cut off all conversation with the brother. I feel so bad towards him and the sister; my heart is heavy and uneasy. How do I come out of this?
Ask God for forgiveness. It is a very bad thing to do but since you have realized this, ask God to forgive you. You do not even have to wait for your pastor to tell you to stay off. Once you start feeling bad about something, cut it off completely. If the sister (fiancée) knows about it, go and apologize to her. This will make you cut off easily. Then, forgive yourself and move on.