Sister’s Forum (15th May, 2021)
Topic: The Conversation of A Godly Woman in Marriage
Speaker: Rev. (Mrs.) Helen Oyegoke
The Head of the church is so concerned about us; and it is key for us to hear these things at this time because it the emphasis of the Spirit. The Lord wants us to align with the program of heaven for earth; He wants women to partake of the promise.
The modern day woman is disqualified from the program of God by reason of the civilised ideas that weaved her; but God has promised that we in this generation will inherit the promise. The promise is eternal life (1John 2:25); it is the gift of God. Eternal life is not something we just walk into or confess.
1 John 2:24-25
“Let that therefore abide in you, which ye have heard from the beginning. If that which ye have heard from the beginning shall remain in you, ye also shall continue in the Son, and in the Father. [25] And this is the promise that he hath promised us, even eternal life.”
Marriage is a thing of the beginning; it is not a modern day conversation, it is ancient. The reason we find it difficult to take instructions from our husbands is because we do not see them as our head. These things are coming at this time because of the inheritance. God is bringing the light of the inheritance.
One thing that will help you in marriage is for you not to ask about instructions pertaining to your husband. Do your own instructions! The things we hear ought to remain and become a part of us; and this happens when we do what we hear and continue in the Son and in the Father. Eternal life is not something we confess; it is something we do.
John 17:3
“And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.”
The reason for knowledge is so that you can change your conversations to be in alignment with the inheritance. Knowledge of the Father and the Son brings a different conversation, without which you cannot inherit Them. Our conversation (lifestyle) must be informed by understanding and knowledge.
As a believer, it is possible to walk as other Gentiles walk. That was why Paul was admonishing the Ephesian church not to walk as other Gentiles walk (Eph. 4:17-18). Ignorance produces a different walk that separates you from the promise. Promise and walk cannot be separated. There is a particular way we ought to live to inherit the promise of life that God has promised man.
When you understand this and know what is at stake is everlasting life, it becomes easy to submit in marriage. A vain mind goes after the outward appearances of a man. Vanity of mind can make someone make wrong decisions. The Gentiles are informed by the standards Satan has put on earth – the course of this world. To change a walk, there has to be another kind of information, which is the knowledge of God and the Son. Without that, there is no change of conversation, there is no worthy walk, and there is no promise.
A worldly person is raised by principles a spirit generated. Worldliness is a spell and the only thing that can break it is knowledge. When a Christian gets born again and does not get knowledge, the life of such a Christian will still be governed by worldly principles.
The world had brought up a definition that marriage is to remove shame and to change status. So when a woman of 33/34 years is unmarried, she gets unsettled because of this. As a single woman, you can pursue a purpose of inheriting God. God told Abraham, I am your shield and exceeding great reward (Gen. 15:1).
If a husband is not forth coming, get the life of God. Do not come under the bondage and limitation of age and lose your composure. Go after God and seek to appear before Him and hear him say to you “Well-done”. A lot of people got married due to societal pressure.
Some people are of the notion that single women are irresponsible. If you are irresponsible as a single woman, you will be irresponsible as a married woman. Marriage does not change your state except God comes to change you. You become responsible by obeying and following God. Do not let marriage become an idol that distracts you from God. We find people that are not married being distracted by the fact that they are not married. God can see your pain, and sometimes, this pain is deepened by standards we have been exposed to in the society where we grew up in.
You are in a journey with the everlasting God. Therefore the first thing that should register in your heart is that there is a promise hanging over you and that is eternal life. On this journey, you will be stretched beyond the natural man’s understanding of time, because you are to inherit everlasting life.
As you are waiting on the Lord, develop yourself spiritually. It was when I was single I got to know that the Holy Ghost is someone we can relate with and have conversations with. Engage your life with God while you are single.
We break rules of God because time is determining our conversation. Some women begin to settle with unbelievers due to the fact that they think they are getting old. If you do not give birth to a child but you birthed God in this life, you did not ordinarily come to the earth.
Tongues and Interpretation (1)
“I come to open your eyes. I want you to see into My intentions, into My purpose, into My plan. For there is an intention in My heart and I want you to see. I want your gaze to be lifted up for you to see. For your eyes to be lifted up for you to see that burden in My heart. For there is yet a purpose you need to fulfil. You have been created to fulfil a purpose; you are not just an ordinary being. You have not been created to live for vanity.
For indeed I created all things for My purpose, for My pleasure, and I created you for pleasure. I created you for a purpose; so, bring that pleasure to Me. Let your entire being bring pleasure to Me. This is the reason you were created, to bring pleasure”
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By the time you compromise God because you want to get married, you are bringing pleasure to yourself and living for yourself. There is no joy in living for yourself.
Tongues and Interpretation (2)
“The limitations of man. Wrong conversations born out of wrong thoughts, born out of wrong conclusions, born out of wrong mind-set, born out from that which is not going to tend to life, wrong conversations that have formed a wrong lifestyle, the limitations of man.
I am not limited by your limitations. I am not limited by time. I am not limited by space. I am an eternal God. I existed even before creation. I am not limited by you or time. I am an everlasting God. I am the God of the living, not the dead. Do not take dead thoughts, you do not take grave thoughts. Do not take thoughts of the dead.
It is thought of death to think that a man at 50/60/70 years cannot conceive. I am an everlasting God. Take off this cloak of wrong thought. Come to the place of everlasting thoughts. Take thoughts of life. Thoughts everlasting. Saith the Lord”.
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It is not the body we marry but the person on the inside. The knowledge of God is being unveiled; and with the knowledge of God comes the knowledge of eternal life. Everlasting life will work on your soul and your body, if you give yourself to God.
I took a decision when I clocked 33, to pray ceaselessly for a husband, as if the Lord was unaware of my need and did not care; but God has a plan for us all. A lot of our prayers are born out of the fact that we do not trust our lives into God hands; but our prayers do not change God’s plans.
The year I met my husband was the year the Lord instructed me not to pray about a husband or my business but to pray only about purpose. We must engage our souls for His purpose. Inside His purpose is included marriage and His other plans for us. Marriage is not the main thing because any grown woman can get married. The issue is, can a woman align with her creator’s purpose?
The reason we are bothered about our age is because we are still thinking of ourselves. Marriage does not take away shame. Marriage is for a purpose and we must focus on that purpose and fulfil it. In fulfilling it, we have to die to certain expectations the world has raised for us, otherwise, we would lose gaze on the purpose. In helping our husbands fulfil their purpose, we need to die to ourselves.
Rather than focusing on when the brother whom you would marry would come your way, focus on God and His purpose for your life. As a woman goes about doing what pleases God, the brother would be brought. God cares about everything that concerns us, including our future husbands. All we need to do is to align ourselves with Him. But when we are so conscious of time and how God would work things out, we fall out of alignment. We should rather spend time getting more of God and experiencing the tangibility and reality of His life, by giving ourselves wholly to Him.
It takes a man with understanding and wisdom to make me change and become the woman God wants me to be. Just like in a typical English wedding where there is the bride, the groom and other lesser members of the bridal train; in the marriage of the Lamb, there would be different categories of people: the bride, the maids of honour and others depending on how we have made ourselves ready. We must desire to be the bride of the Lamb and nothing less. All the other categories also represent companies of believers who have come short of being fit to marry the Lamb. Only the company of believers called the bride made herself for the Lamb by growth.
Our conversation in marriage is also a factor that determines our eternal estate. Our conversation is as a result of our response; it is the revelation of everlasting life. When revelation comes, it is giving us an opportunity to inherit eternal life.
A woman that fears the Lord shall be praised (Proverbs 31:30). How we show that we fear the Lord is by obedience to the standard God has raised, because the issue at hand is one of inheriting the kingdom: everlasting and eternal life. Serving God acceptably is being able to submit to the standards that God raised. The kingdom is not given to people who cannot serve or obey. Grace comes to us by the knowledge of God’s standard. It takes humility which comes by grace for a woman to come under. The growth of a believer is measured in increase in meekness and humility.
I discovered from time that a lot of women are afflicted by sickness and diseases, and most of them are due to insubordination to their husbands. Some women may even experience delay in child bearing as a result of this. As women, we must ensure that we respect and revere our husbands regardless of any advantage we may seem to have over them in the natural. Some women even lose their lives as a result of insubordination and troubles which they cause their husbands.
Angels are beings of alignment; they understand authority and so, they would not minister to homes who are not aligned. We would also not enjoy the protection and other things they are sent to deliver unto us. As women, we have to always ensure that we are well aligned and submitted under our husbands, our head. We must find grace to remain under regardless of the cost on our flesh. We must know that our service is first unto God and whatever we do to our husbands, we are indirectly doing to God. Anything we cannot do before the Lord, we should not do behind our husbands.
God told me to tell you today to fear him. What you will do to contradict the laws of God, do not do it to your husband. This goes beyond just what we do to them but how we conclude them in our hearts. Some women despise their husbands in their hearts and in their thoughts. It takes meekness for a woman to accept that her opinions do not necessarily need to be taken at all times. We must learn not to hold on to things too tightly. We can let go of our opinions for the making of peace in the home, as long as it does it cost us life. We must not break the laws of life because of insignificant issues. The best we can do is to pray to God about the issue.
What would make us obey our husbands despite their imperfections is the fear of God. As a result of civilization, a lot of women have developed lightness of character. We must understand that what is at stake is inheriting everlasting life. As women, it is time to advance and climb to the hill of the Lord. We should use our marriage to ascend to the hill of the Lord. Ascension is by meekness and humility. The meeker we become, the higher we go. Marriage is a good ground to learn meekness.
We must learn to let go of certain issues. When we hold onto mundane things too tightly, especially at the expense of eternal life, we are carnal and we are breaking the laws of God. The more we know God, the more mundane things lose their significance; and we would further ascend into God. We must count everything as dung; and nothing must not be too much to let go of, in the issues of submission. In the process of letting go of things, we indirectly let go of ourselves — our self-centeredness and selfishness. The more we submit and align, the more understanding we obtain, and the more anointed we become.
God must teach our hearts wisdom to fear. We are approaching the zone of fear where God is being revealed as a consuming fire. It is a foolish person that would despise fear in the season of everlasting life.
Even if our husband does not obey the scripture, as a wife, we should obey. There is a power unleased when we obey. There is power in obedience, more power than we think we have in our mouth. What we are supposed to achieve on our knees (in prayer), we should not try to achieve with our mouth. With our mouths, we can cause much damage. It takes humility to be able to speak graciously to our husbands. We must learn how to present issues graciously to our husbands. Even when our intentions are right, if we do not communicate them respectfully, our suggestions may not be considered. Therefore we must learn how to speak to our husbands. Some husbands prefer to take time before making certain decisions about the home. Instead of hurrying them out of waiting, we should be patient with them. It is safe to wait for our husbands while they wait and pray concerning decisions.
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