Sisters’ Forum (15th May, 2021)
Topic: Understanding how to prepare for Marriage
Ministering: Pastor (Mrs.) Bola Daniel
We cannot understand how to prepare ourselves for marriage without going back to the book of the beginning – Genesis. This is because marriage was not man’s idea but God’s idea. It was God that brought forth the institution of marriage.
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. [28] And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.” (Gen. 1:27-28). The male and female were created together in the beginning, as such, the female was not an after-thought or a mistake.
“And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.” (Gen. 2:15). God gave the man this instruction to carry out, which the man was doing without any complaint till God saw that he needed help (Gen. 2:18). “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” (Gen. 2:18). “Help meet” is two words; it means God decided to make a complementary partner for the man, and this was the beginning of the marriage.
“And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. [21] And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; [22] And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.” (Gen. 2:20-22). It was Adam who named all the creatures God had made in the garden of Eden. In the heart of God, a woman is a help and all a woman should ask God for is grace to fulfil that purpose.
“And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” (Gen. 2:23). The male and female were already existing together in one body before the woman was brought forth from the man. For a man to fulfil his purpose in God, he needs the help of a woman.
“This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him; [2] Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.” (Gen. 5:1-2). In the heart of God, the male and female He created were one – Adam. When God decided that it was not good for a man to be alone, He brought the female He had created inside the man so that they will be together to help the man fulfil his purpose on earth.
Marriage is not an end, rather, it is a means to an end. We have various reasons for desiring marriage which are not divine; but God also has His reason for instituting marriage which makes Him expectant over marriages. However, the painful thing for God is that many people marry for the wrong reasons. Sometimes, God needs to be patient in marriage for the marriage to fulfil His desire, or wait for children to be born in order to use them to fulfil His purpose. Marriage is not something one jumps into without making careful considerations.
Adam saw Eve and was able to identify her as one that was of him. “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Gen. 2:24). This is the definition of marriage. The man and woman were together in the beginning but then have to come together to become one again.
Becoming one flesh is what marriage actually is. “The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?” (Matt 19:3). If not for Jesus, there is no man that will want to stay with one woman forever; for the heart of a man is such that desires varieties.
“And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, [5] And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? [6] Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Matt 19:4-6). When the disciples saw this standard of marriage the Lord raised, they felt it was better not to get married because man cannot comprehend the mystery behind marriage (Matt. 19:10). The devil cannot also comprehend the institution of marriage; but he knows that God wants to use as a powerful tool against him, so he fights it. As such, when one gets into marriage, the devil will raise an onslaught against such a person in order to break the home.
Adam’s declaration in Genesis 2:23 shows that it is not (just) anyone you can marry, because some bones are misfits. What makes two people fit is not their external but their persons within. We should not get carried away by the external because it is the person within that gets married. One cannot determine the right person to marry; rather, one needs to go to the Maker to show the right person, so that the marriage will not be a misfit.
To know who you are to marry, you must have a relationship with God. It is necessary for us to know the will of God in marriage because marriage can remove one’s name from the book of life. There are different stages one needs to go through to be ready for marriage. One needs to be prepared physically and spiritually for marriage. As a sister, you must grow physically and do all you can to be healthy naturally - such as eating well and learning to be a good cook.
We should understand that God made a woman to be adaptable to the man because this is the reason for our physical existence. Some sisters run away from homes that will teach them how to take care of their homes when they get married. We should therefore take every experience in the course of our journey in life and use it to learn.
Social maturity is also important for marriage; knowing how to relate with people is key in marriage. Learn wisdom; mix with people and be free with people. Connectivity is key because you do not know whose help you will need in future. No matter how difficult your relatives are, your approach to them should be to love them; for you are mandated to show Jesus to the world. Emotional quotient is key, for that is where you can show the love of God that has been shed abroad in our hearts (Rom. 5:5). This is important because God wants to use your home to raise other lives.
There are many lives out there that do not have access to the words of Eternal Life we are hearing; and heaven desires to use us to help such lives. Therefore, develop yourself socially and know how to relate with people. Some who are into intertribal marriages must be wise to learn the culture of their spouse.
The most important requirement for marriage is to grow up spiritually and know your God because God is sending you as a help to your husband in his journey to God. The wisdom of running a home is not found anywhere but in the word of God.
The Lord knows who best fits your composition. You must get to the level of persuasion for who is meant for you and who is not. God is never at fault over anyone’s life; for He is good. If one is about to fall into a ditch, God will sound an alarm in that person’s spirit or in the spirit of someone else who is close to that person. God is not unrighteous; He always sounds an alarm so we do not fall into any ditch.
God deals with us at our various growth levels. As such, we should not compare ourselves with one another (2 Cor. 10:12). The glory of God cannot show forth in your life without you passing through tribulations. We should not try to avoid dealings, rather, we should go through them because Christianity is not without trials and tribulations.
“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33). We should grow up to the level where we can dialogue with God but if you have not grown up to that level, God will deal with you at your level.
Tongues and Interpretation (1)
“Grow up! Come up! Stop laboring yourself with things that are earthly and carnal. You cannot be an appropriate wife without spiritual growth; you cannot function appropriately for the son which I will bring to you if you do not grow up. You are a joint heir of life, for your destiny is the throne. Therefore, journey away from the things of the earth and grow up! I beckon on you My daughters to come up, for it is a clarion for you to grow up. I want to see My children growing up after this meeting. Do not trouble yourself with carnality, for you cannot fulfil destiny if you do not grow up. I want strong women clothed with meekness that will help My sons to journey to the end. For the problem of Genesis 6 was that sons of God saw women that were carnal and that ended My work in that generation. Daughters grow up! I your Dad call you to grow up!”
Tongues and Interpretation (2)
“Carnality is a big hollow of nothingness. One who is carnal will be big, but light. I want to give you weight and make you heavy. I want to make you weighty so you can carry burdens. I want to give you burdens that are heavy, but you need to be weighty to carry them. For the sons that I will lead your way carry My destiny which is weighty; so, carry weight, for this is a meeting of weight. It is a meeting I will make you dense and cause weight to come upon you. You will leave this meeting weighty and dense.”
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If you want to marry a godly husband, you must also be godly. Nobody will have a precious child and give the child to someone with no essence; so you must grow so that God will give you a godly husband.
It is not everybody that will marry because marriage is for an assignment and there are some assignments that do not need marriage to be accomplished. Paul did not need marriage; so, he did not marry (1 Cor. 7:7). However, if God allows you to marry, it is because you need it to fulfil His purpose for you on earth; for there is no marriage in heaven.
Someone who is qualified for marriage is one that is born again and has a relationship with God - who is not just a church goer. Such a person will show a level of newness in his life, for you cannot cope in marriage being carnal. You should therefore ask the Lord to show you the person meant for you. You should develop a fellowship with God and talk to Him.
You must judge every relationship; do not allow anyone get close to you without knowing the reason for such closeness. An unbeliever or a backslider is not qualified for marriage. Also, one is engaged is not who you should be looking at for marriage.
“And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now.” (John 2:10). The only way by which you can have freshness of wine on a daily basis in your marriage is through Jesus. Jesus is the foundation of your home and He produces fresh wine everyday in marriage.
Being born again does not automatically certify one for marriage; one must grow up spiritually to be certified for marriage. “Growth” here refers to being weaned from milk (Is. 28:9). To be weaned from milk is to be established and rooted in the faith (Col. 2:7). Growth is accompanied by service to God; as such, we should be established in serving God.
As a woman, you must be well grounded in doctrine and have a walk with the Lord. You must develop yourself in bearing fruits of the spirit (Gal. 5:22-23) because marriage in itself will not add them to you. Marriage is the examination hall that reveals all that is within a soul. This examination unveils to us our true picture in the spirit.
All the fruits of the spirit would be tested at the different phases of our spiritual growth. If we do not excel at a level, we will not be given admittance to another level because if we are not thorough, we will disgrace God in the day of battle.
“And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave e to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?” (Matt. 19:5). This scripture does not say “for this cause shall a boy leave his father and mother and be joined to a girl”. This shows that marriage is not for babies, as such, for one to be a help meet, one must grow spiritually because one needs stamina to lift another.
The Shulamite woman was a notable woman. She was without a child, but she was not looking for one until Elisha prophesied. The way the woman reacted at the death of the child is worthy of note (2 Kings 4:20-24). A wife must be strong enough to follow the husband as far as the Lord will have him go; as such, being weaned from being a child cannot be overemphasized. A wife must be strong and stable on the inside.
“As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him: [7] Rooted and built up in him, and stablished in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving.” (Col. 2:6-7). Prayerfully study God's word, have a continuous walk with the Lord and fellowship well with the brethren. It is your duty to find a place of fellowship where you will be well fed because it will influence your life choices in the long run. You must also have pure relationship towards the opposite sex. You must have an understanding that your spirit, soul and body are purchased possessions of God; as such, you must honour God with your body (1 Cor. 6:20).
“Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? [17] If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.” (1 Cor. 3:16-17). This is not a poem; it is God's word. God's word is true; so, if he considers us pure, then we must acquire that knowledge that we might live in purity.
“Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body.” (1 Cor. 6:13). God has honoured you with a body and we also should honour Him in return by consecrating it to Him. We are commanded to flee fornication in all its shades and colour. Even if you trust yourself as a brother or sister, still obey the instructions to flee (1 Cor. 6:18). Do not trust the devil, for he hates you passionately and does not want you to have any testimony. If you indulge in pre-marital sex and you are not caught, Satan has shut you up, and you are (supposed to be) a witness. To be a witness, you must have embodied that conversation.
He that fornicates and he that lies are both categorized as sinners (Rev. 21:8). Some women do not fornicate, but they are not straightforward and can accommodate compromise. Some wives take their husband’s money while doing laundry and they excuse it without the knowledge of their husbands. This is stealing!
As a woman, you must be weaned from your parents and other relatives; for you must be mature physically, spiritually and emotionally. Some people cannot withstand pressure. When they are faced with issues, there is no word of God welling up richly within them to keep them standing (Col. 3:16). When problems come, they should be addressed by the word of God that you have stored up within you. It is what you have inside that the Holy Spirit will remind you of, not that which is not there at all (John 14:26). You can read anything on social media, but that is not the word of God.
The word of God is backed up with power. Develop the culture of staying solely on God's word. Read it, memorize it and meditate on it because when you bear children, it is what you have that you would instill in them.
You must have the correct disposition of heart towards marriage. God would lead you through the inner witness, audible voice, trance or an open vision; but they all must be confirmed by His word, for the word must confirm all your leadings.
“Then came certain of the elders of Israel unto me, and sat before me. [2] And the word of the Lord came unto me, saying, [3] Son of man, these men have set up their idols in their heart, and put the stumblingblock of their iniquity before their face: should I be enquired of at all by them? [4] Therefore speak unto them, and say unto them, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Every man of the house of Israel that setteth up his idols in his heart, and putteth the stumblingblock of his iniquity before his face, and cometh to the prophet; I the LORD will answer him that cometh according to the multitude of his idols…” (Ezek. 14:1- 4). Do not set up an idol in your heart. When you go to God to inquire of Him, you must go with an open heart, and not with standards. If you do not know how He speaks to you, pray to Him to show you; for He is your Father. Be jealous for your life, and do not be negligent about your spiritual growth.
Tongues and Interpretation (3)
“I am showing you the beginning thoughts, the thoughts that were in My mind when I made them male and female. I am revealing to you thoughts that are being buried by sins, by the standards of this world. I am showing you My standards and My expectations. There is an expectation in My heart I had for a woman, which is not that being painted by the world, not what is being painted by darkness, not what is being painted by sin, not what is being painted by Satan, not what is being painted by iniquity. I am showing you and this showing is help. I am here to help you, for from today, you will bear that mark in the spirit as the King's daughters, honourable women in the spirit. King's daughters chosen of destiny to carry the fullness of life on the face of earth, women indeed, women after the order of the beginning.”
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These things are perfected by the reason of exercise. It is not at the point of getting married that you should begin to inquire how God speaks to you. God speaks but you may not be conscious of His voice. Sometimes, His voice may come as an impression in your spirit, and as you respond and pay attention, you become more inclined to God's leading. We have different growth phases and God relates with us according to our level of growth.
You must have the consent of spiritual authority prior to getting married. Do not marry a brother who does not have a covering, for this shows he does not have regard for anybody. Such a person does not fear any man and Jesus cannot talk to such a man. Marriage is like an organogram, where the woman submits to the man and the man submits to Christ and Christ submits to God. As a woman, you must align under your husband by prayer and by instructions. Your conversation with your husband is also a means of aligning your husband under Christ (1 Cor. 11:3).
“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. [10] For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. [11] Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone ? [12] And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” (Ecc. 4:9-12). It is like a triangle with God as the Head where both the woman and man have a relationship with God. When I want to talk to my husband on some matters, I would rather talk to God and God would talk to him.
“And this have n ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand. [14] Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.” (Mal. 2:13-15). This scripture talks about the oneness in marriage. Marriage is for companionship. Some have not left their father and mother, even in their marriage, as such they have not learnt companionship. Some still cleave to their jobs and bring it home and have no time for their spouse.
Marriage is a covenant relationship, so do not be absent minded on the wedding day when taking your vows because that vow is taken with the Lord, and has the saints as witnesses. That vow is detailed, and you must not fall short of it.
The woman is the bone that was removed from the man and she must fit it; but some natures have attached themselves with the bone and have become one with us. In the process of fitting in, there would be times of pain because of the sacrifice of becoming one. The husband and wife do not become one at the wedding ceremony, as the journey of becoming one begins after the wedding. Two aspirations, two goals, two personalities and two persons must eventually become one. It is only when the two have become one that godly seeds would be raised in the home. If a man and his wife are not yet one, they cannot produce anything godly.
Great men in scripture were raised by godly parents. Moses’ mother had her three children at the forefront of what God was doing in Israel in the wilderness. When Jesus was also picking His disciples, He picked two from some families, one from some and from some, He picked none. These were godly seeds. Reverend Kenneth E. Hagin never stepped his feet in Nigeria till he died, yet the seeds his union produced are still blessing men till now. There is something your union will produce that will outlive you and that is God's interest.
In the course of your natural work, all your interest must not end in money; for you ought to be bringing pleasure to God while at it. If all you work for is money, then you have made your choice between God and mammon.
A woman is an extension of her husband because she was removed from him. If there is anything in your wife that you do not want, you must also labour over her. Men ought to be like Jesus who is preparing for Himself the church by cleansing her by the washing of water by the word (Eph. 5:26). Some men have the dream of the kind of woman they want to marry without any form of labour to bring that to reality. You must be willing like Jesus to labour over your wife and groom her that you might be able to journey together.
As much as the bone needs trimming to properly fit into the man, the man also needs to be worked upon to carve out space for the bone again. As a woman you must be ready to pray about everything, when you see things you do not like in your spouse. But many times, we waste the time we ought to invest in prayers complaining. By complaining, you have not rendered any help. Males and females are configured differently; women are emotional but men are not. Be a wife and be a help!
When pressure comes, it is to expose what is on your inside. Problems will come from without: either from your husband, relatives, work or from the pit of hell but you would be at peace if you can focus on the inside. Attend to your inner man and grow so that God would be able to defend you. God is looking for homes that will manifest His reign, He is taking us back to the beginning template of marriage and if you are going to get there, you must align well under Him. Die to yourself and live for Him.
Tongues and Interpretation (4)
“A prophetic generation. A generation who will expire works of darkness by walking prophetically. A generation taking the state of lowliness and states that are inconsequential but are high in spiritual strength. As you take your place, you become a joint that supplies and there is a supply that My work needs at this time. There is a supply I need you to supply. A supply that would be supplied by your raising to fit into this joint. No more will homes be filled with men and women who are not joined. I am here to join. For part of the blessing in this season is joining. Have I not said I am here to heal homes? Homes will be healed, and baskets will be adequately weaved to carry the harvest. A harvest is coming and that is why I am painstakingly going after line upon line to prepare the ground for this harvest because none should be lost. Do not count yourself out, do not count your home out, do not count your husbands out, do not count your family out because you are ordained of Me to be part of the basket that would carry this harvest. Yea a home, yea a house, yea a generation that would fit into My agenda. There is rejoicing in the heavens and there is rejoicing as We see your walk. Harvest is weaved when you walk in light and My agenda is moved forward. Now you have received help, so say no more in your heart that my home is lost, for it is not lost, it is not possible for it to be lost. Have I not said that as long as there is life, there is hope? The attitude is to key in by faith and painstakingly listen again and see that dead marriage spring to life and occupy that position I ordained it for. Do not count yourself out as long as there is life; as long as you have life there is hope. You are enough for Me to enter your house, you are enough! You just align and I will enter, and I will turn it around. This is the reason for the season, for the basket must be weaved.
Message Ends